AU to my Ego…but JIPPIEJEE to my Heart!

AU to my Ego…but JIPPIEJEE to my Heart!

About showing true faces….. I LIKE (thumbs up! 😉 )

Femke Zwart

Femke Zwart

 

Today I posted a new profile picture of myself on facebook. This time not a picture which radiates happiness, joy, love, energy, my power, success or my sexiness. No!
Things are shifting in my life…on several areas things are not clear to me at the moment. This picture of me showed my vulnerability, insecurity, sadness. Also a feeling of being lost.

In my desire to be authentic in my life, I want(ed) to show this part of me…this is ‘my face’….my feeling…in this moment.

What I soon discovered, and it didn’t surprise me: such a picture doesn’t create a lot of ‘likes’ on Facebook. All my earlier pictures the last years got much more likes and responses…..AU… TO MY EGO… BUT JIPPIEJEE TO MY HEART ♥ (below I will explain why)

One of my facebookbuddies replied: brave that you place such a picture here on facebook. I totally understood what he meant with his remark. For it is so common for all of us to place ‘happy smiling faces’ (or happy/successful stories/experiences).

We are human

We like likes 🙂 We like to be appreciated. To feel safe. To feel that we belong and have a place on earth. We love to feel included. We like to recognize ourselves or be inspired by successful, shining, good looking & happy people.
We are so much afraid of being rejected, misunderstood. Of not being good enough, successful, beautiful, creative enough…etc…etc… I can totally relate….I share the same fears as you!

We often tell ourselves were not good enough… that’s often why we try to minimize the possibility of others saying we’re not good enough. We ALL learn to minimize the possibility of being rejected, or even more: to increase the possibility of others telling us we’re good, beautiful, successful, worthwhile, etc.

We learn strategies to fit in, adapt ourselves to our surroundings. Presenting ourselves with literally all sorts of layers (make-up, tattoos, clothes, accessories) but also with other layers such as ‘putting on a happy face’ or showing our power or security (even when we don’t feel like that from inside).

What price do we pay to fit in?

I learned pretty good to adapt, because of my ‘moving- history’ as a young child. Having to start new schools, making new friends several times. Being bullied didn’t help either in the process of showing myself completely. Not being raised in a family where it was normal to show feelings… For many years now I’m working on peeling of my ‘safety- layers’.

If you thought only babies have growing pains….think again!
Transforming covers everything: going through shit, releasing patterns that feel so safe and stick so much on your identity (who you think you are) but also: feeling more strength and increasing inner power.
The fact that I feel so much, so intense is a sign. It’s like making big Dinosaur steps but often, for myself: not big enough (still working on that one….the perfectionism 😉

JIPPIEJEE TO MY HEART because more and more I dare to show myself. Taking more risks, letting go of more masks and layers…..writing this blog is another step.

Wanting to share my thoughts, my sounds, my truth with you. Although I do feel vulnerable sharing….worrying about what others might think of me, I’m not sharing because I want to receive appreciation (but if you want to share your appreciation with me, that’s  fine ofcourse).
Me sharing is a way of freeing myself and giving myself the opportunity to grow: as a HUMAN. If I inspire others in this process to do the same, to speak their truth, to share their sounds, that’s great!

Being human…are you with me on that?

Let’s show and share all our sides, on facebook, in daily life. Not only the happy, creative, powerful side in us. Also our vulnerability, fears, insecurities, doubts…because: we ALL have that…several sides. For being human involves everything.
You can show that you care if others share their vulnerability or insecurity. To receive that with love and gratitude instead of with laughter or judgements what often happens now. I’m not saying you respond in such a way, but let’s all be aware.

Ofcourse I will appreciate your like on this blog 😉 But even more: I would like to know what my words bring up in you. How does it make you feel? What thoughts are popping up in you now? You’re so welcome to share with us.

Thank you for your attention.

With ♥

 

Comments

  1. Resi Tichelaar says

    Dear Femke,
    To be honest, my first reaction on your new picture was kind of a shock. Not because there is anything wrong with it. But because I felt sadness in your face. I hardly recognized you and thought you were in a really bad condition. That is a reason not to give a like on the picture. To see vulnerability on a face can be very beautiful. But it feels to me also as something intimate. At the same time I agree with you that if your not able to accept and show both sides, the happy and the sad, you’re not making true contact with another person. The only question is should or should you want that to do that on Facebook? Isn’t that something you share with your inner circle of friends and maybe family? Or when you have a personal encounter with someone with whom you feel a soul connection? At the other hand: It is true that by only showing your happy part on FB, others will perhaps even feel worse than they already do, because it makes them believe that everybody has a great and happy life, accept them. And I think it really works that way, even if you know it is not true. For me it is not that I don’t want anybody to know about my struggles in life, but I rather keep control of to whom I show my vulnerability. Than this still leaves the question: Why are we so free and open about our happy moments and why do we try to hide our sad side? Is it shame, is it fear, is it our own not accepting of this part of us? The part that perhaps needs the light to dissolve? I don’t know. But I appreciate your courage to dare others to talk about this. Although I rather react on this more personal blog than on Facebook. Love, Resi.

    • Dear Resi,

      First of all: thank you so much for your reaction in which you share how it feels for you. I understand that you didn’t gave a ‘like’ on my picture because you thought I was in a very bad condition. I hear you want me to be in a good condition, thank you for wishing me the best!

      I have asked myself the same question. Should I or shouldn’t I post vulnerable ‘stuff’ on facebook? Isn’t that to intimate? (and what will people think of me?) I also had conversations with friends on this topic. My dad expressed his worries about my openness several times…if I will find work because other people have judgements of me, or will not understand me.

      There is no right or wrong answer in my opinion. No judgements here. Everyone can decide for themselves. I totally understand if people choose to share their vulnerability or sadness only with intimates, or don’t share it at all.

      The question coming up in me now is: are people really choosing… or because of shame or fear, feeling that the choice is already made for them? Or are we so inadequate to feel pain inside ourselves?
      I believe there is a lot of shame and fear to show ourselves completely. A lot of us grow up in a culture & system where it’s normal to hide parts of ourselves. We are even praised for it (for instance: people saying at funerals ‘you are so strong’ when someone doesn’t cry in public).

      It takes awareness & courage to break through this.
      I can only speak for myself. By sharing with others, I’m freeing myself from patterns, believes, stuck emotions and thereby: creating space in myself, in my life, to feel totally free and connected with my heart.

      On the picture at that moment there was sadness in me, in my face, yes that’s true. In a way…it’s a compliment to me; you saying you felt in shock by seeing my picture. For me that tells that you knew my ‘other side’ so well; the happy smiling side of me….and that you now see another side of me…a vulnerable side. Which you can only see ofcourse, if I share that with people.
      In a way I feel happy because…. for me, it’s my path of liberating myself more. To live a life of total honesty and authenticity. I also feel, in some way, I want to inspire others to do the same. To open up, speak their truth, express their sounds and emotions.

      In the end….everyone on this Earth is walking their own path. But we can take care of eachother in a loving respectful way. Inspire & support each other.

      With love,
      Deva Gita

      • Resi Tichelaar says

        Dear Femke, Deva Gita (would like to hear more about that)
        I have the feeling that I understand completely what you mean. I recognize it from being in groups and speaking my heart about something. Because nobody els did, I often had the feeling I was the only one who thought or felt different about something. But every time I did, others followed. By taking freedom for yourself, you offer others the possibility to do the same. And I also see that what you did is in the first place a gift to yourself. And I agree it asks a lot of courage to do so. I don’t know if I don’t because of shame or fear or just because I don’t want to share it with al my facebookfriends. Of course a lot of friends on Facebook you would call in real life acquaintances. And I’m not judging either. I think like you that everybody has to follow their own path. And I respect people very much who dare to make a difference. And in this perspective I will like you new picture ;). It was a special day for me yesterday. Two encounters with brave people and you are one of them. Thank you. Love, Resi.

        • Hi Resi,

          yes…above all, it’s a gift to myself, to be open. I also see it that way.
          I recognize that being open, creates openness with others to. That’s the way it works. To receive, you have to give first yourself. It doesn’t matter if it’s with openness, love, respect…. it’s all KARMA basically.

          To detect braveness you have to be a brave soul yourself Resi. I think you looked in the mirror 😉

          Love,
          Deva Gita

          • Resi Tichelaar says

            Maybe sometimes. Thank you. This spring I walked the Camino to Santiago de Compostela. During this walk I took almost every day a selfie. When i had a photo-exposition about this pelgrimage, I also put a digital photo list on the tab. It showed the less beautiful but still interesting pictures + all my selfies. Later on someone told me that he was especially impressed by my selfies. And I didn’t have every day a happy face 😉 . Maybe you would show the most realistic on your FB page, if you would place a selfie from every day on a certain time 🙂 . Sorry that’s just an idea that crossed my mind. If I like it I should do ik myselfie 😉 .

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